the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
