Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
