When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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