i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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