i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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