Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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