i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Who died my cat blue again?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
