god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
