I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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