Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
