i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My pussy is not your playground.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
