first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
