dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
