I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
