you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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