Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
