I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it because I queefed?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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