they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
