sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
