she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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