even my farts smell like vagina
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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