i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Even my vagina gasped.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize