i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
