How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
