I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The beer is more important than you right now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
