hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
