ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
