tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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