There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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