A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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