new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
