Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So apparently I’m into choking now
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