Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
