I just saw a hot homeless man
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
