Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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