M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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