we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize