omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Michael Bay diarrhea
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
