Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
