I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
