i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
