the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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