I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
