i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
