I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize