Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
