I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
