I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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