i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize