I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
