If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
