Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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