New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
