my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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