Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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