I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
