so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
