I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
