No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
