Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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