you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
