i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
