remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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