sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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