so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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