Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
