he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
